I don't know...

but you do know..we all know..in hearts what the answer is...but sometimes finding the words is painfully hard....or not so much finding them but getting out of our mouths... whether someone says it to you or you say it to someone...be honest ...do you know and just can't bring yourself to say it? sometimes it is better to say nothing but sometimes it isn't, sometimes we have to say something even when it feels paralyzing..

Space and Time

I value both Space and Time. As someone who loves people, to be on the move, to always be doing something, the importance for me in my day to have both Space and Time is really important, I would go as far as to say vital for me to stay healthy and happy. As a distance runner, I spend hours at a time on the roads and I need that. I need that time to process and feel things, to sort out my day or tackle a problem. I also need space, I don't like being confined in a building or my house all day. I am not saying I am camping every other day (true confession as an adult I have never been camping!) but I do love getting out on the roads and having them to myself. So today, when I picked up my 6 year old after school, I told her we were going for a drive...so we drove for 2 hours! We did make a pit stop for ice cream but since this last week I've been recovering and not running, I needed that space and time. I needed the road. We listened to music at full volume and commented on all the streams. It was good for my soul. If it hadn't been raining we for sure would have gone for a walk or something too but it was 40 degrees and raining, no thanks. Looking forward to getting out there again tomorrow for a 6 miler, easy, gentle, no agenda, just being...

It is ok to be sad and mad and happy all at the same time...

Last Monday I ran the Boston Marathon. It was an incredible day for so many reasons. If I have said it once, I've said it a million times...running marathons is a party from people from every corner...and I love it, all of it. I went into the marathon very hopeful that it would go well. I wouldn't call it expecting only because I've learned my lesson to never expect anything in a marathon, you just never know. I went in hopeful though if all went well, I could have a great day out there. I was in the best shape of my life. I did have a great day, I ran a 3:00:00 only .1 of a second from breaking the big 3 barrier. Not the easiest pill to swallow but I am proud. Proud I could sustain a 6:51 mile pace for exactly 3:00:00. I was sad though, and finally about 3 days after the marathon, I let myself really feel sad, let myself cry and be angry. So much discipline and sacrifice, so close to reaching my goal but not quite. I want excellence. I want to set a goal and reach it. I will with time, I am not giving up. I am proud of myself for what I did out there but I want to break that barrier. I don't feel sad any more about it, just hopeful that I will have another shot at reaching my goal. "Consult not your fears but your hopes and your dreams. Think not about your frustrations, but about your unfulfilled potential. Concern yourself not with what you tried and failed in, but with what is still possible for you to do." Saint John XXIII Running has taught me to fall in love with limitless possibility and potential. Just when I think I can't do better or I've reached my limit, I am surprised. There are still many roads to explore, many dreams to chase after...

Introduction

I am not sure where this line comes from to be completely honest with you...I heard it on the Adele 19 cd, number 12 but really it struck me and I see online that many people have it as a tatoo or incorporated into their website...anyone help me with this? I've had a few blogs...the only one that I really kept up with and people read was 100daystoBoston that I wrote while training for my 2nd Boston which ended up also being the slowest/trying of them all. But here I am again...ready to write. I want to give you my word, that this writing is going to be very honest and maybe sometimes hard to read. If it is hard for you to read just know it is probably hard for me to write but I am writing from the most raw and real place of my heart. I am on this journey of figuring a lot out and I have a lot of questions but something tells me, I am not alone in this. I know that I am not lost, I know that I am wandering and sometimes this wandering takes me to some pretty dark places but sometimes it takes me these other places that leave me wordless on account of their beauty. Ok, buckle up friends...I have a couple of rules...1. run fast 2. drive fast. and 3.kiss slowly like it is the first or maybe the last, but either way, enjoy it.